FEEDBACK

About life constantly giving us feedback on how we’re currently doing. Because it’s always us. We just tend to understand these “feedbacks” as bad luck or unfairness. We’ll discuss a bit of laziness too.

I just want to let you know with all respect and love, these are my thoughts and it’s all my opinion - and I had many of them. But I feel like this one is the closest to truth so far. Get curious. Make a coffee & let’s go. It’s worth all the way.

What makes me sad is seeing people with dead awareness going through life and complaining about what happened to them and not realising that everything from the external world is a reflection of themselves and their actions. No one likes you in school? Have you ever smiled on someone? Are YOU the kind one? You have constant pain in your joints? Did you look for some free Youtube videos on pain relief instead of eating sugar cakes that cause inflammation and will hardly help you in solving such a vital problem. You have anxiety? Have you seek out help? Or are you just saying you have anxiety so that the world would just accept you as you are - Yes this applies even for something so sensitive and delicate as anxiety. Remember, that life rewards those who are willing to get better, to seek help, to cooperate, to give - and mainly that are AWARE. That’s why I’m writing this. I wish these words will leave you with awareness that there is more to what’s happening in your life and give you the opportunity to realise that.

Let’s look at ourselves in the mirror. Do we seem ourselves as we really are, do we seem our actions as they really are? Or do we perhaps use our own pink glasses, use a little creativity and come up with sophisticated excuse, because it is sometimes the easiest way how to explain, to digest, to accept any kind of situation or any kind of result caused by ourselves. But why do we do this? Why does it literally hurt when we admit, that we f*cked up?

When we admit something and feel shame - It’s called emotional pain or suffering and it’s a real thing - when we experience sadness, anger, anxiety, shame or any other negative emotions, it can hurt as much as physical pain - and who wants to hurt himself like that when he could simply avoid it (source: verywellmind.com). What’s more though, we don’t find creative explanation to avoid this pain just in front of others - we sometimes do it also in front ourselves - even when no one else is listening.

The real reason why we didn’t do the homework? I feel like In case of homework you’re not really charged if you don’t execute - from the moment we were given a homework until the moment when we need to hand it in, we kinda play an acting game with ourselves and with others. Why? Because if we really don’t want to jump into our rational and mature self and just do it, there is probably no threat that would be alarming enough to us and woke up the mature version (such as fee if you don’t hand in your tax declaration - here you don’t want to do it neither, but there is the “motivation”) and silenced our lazy, confused self - but what would it mean? We would need to do the thing, we would need to be disciplined. Therefore in case when nothing really threatens us (like note from a teacher that we forgot homework? cute… easy pass…). And so we start to play this game of “simple ignorant” that is very aware of his duty, yet does a great job to blurry its sharpness. And we start to look at the external factor that “decided” for us the result where we didn’t do much (”no time, so many other homework, personal reasons, my cat ate it”). Everything done with our pink rose glasses on. But what are we actually doing is lying to ourselves and starting to “train” this victimhood/lazy muscle*. Not that there would be everyone like this, but be honest - and now with no pink glasses on - have you always been honest about your actions when something didn’t work out? Look - I know that in this world, honest people have it….let’s say… more difficult than people that are brilliant in excuses - to anybody else, tell actually what you find sociably most favourable for you - what’s actually the most important to assure that you’re not deluding yourself, the person who you should have the most honest relationship with. So as i mentioned “train” the victimhood muscle, it is very much meant as any other habit - usually and most of the time we find ourselves in the situation where we have 2 choices - to take the ownership (and take the hard way) or the second one - to stay in victim mindset (and have it easy for the moment) I just wish for us to choose the harder and more rewarding way. I know we don’t have to look too long for reasons to choose the second approach and say that there was just too much stress, too many negative people around, too much noice. However, by leaning on this side of explanation, we just stretch the distance between us and the person that we want to become. And that’s actually the definition of success = the distance between you and the place you want to be is hidden in your actions. I have a question - Is there someone more important in OUR OWN LIFES, than us? There is no one in your life that would be more “main character” than YOU. Therefore decide, if you want to sweet talk yourself, be comfortable but in fact digging into the ground or if you are ready to face the real truth and climb like net worth of Warren Buffet.

Why an example of homework? Let me explain one metaphor.

Not doing the homework by itself isn’t a big deal. But what’s the side effect of not doing it? So many things that are actually way more important than that one damn homework itself. What’s that?

You teach yourself that you don’t need to do the small things that are part of a way greater mission. You’re not graduating from homework. You’re graduating from a journey of 3 and more years. And this detail such as homework play its role in it.

You teach yourself that you don’t need to respect deadlines.

And this is a recipe for failure. Let’s compare it with something you wish to do and be paid for - the career of a speaker for example. Let’s say you want to be a #1 world speaker, that is successful beyond your imagination. You want to speak at big conferences filled by millionaires that came there to see you. In order to get there, you need to take daily small actions like reading lots of books, attending workshops for speakers…These small actions have the same characteristics just like that homework. The one who gives you the homework is teacher. The one who gives you your dream is life. And let’s admit - Life is a teacher. Is there a deadline? Certainly. We just might not realise that everyday because it seems like something we don’t understand, we might be afraid of it. Do you see the similarities? DEADline. Once you cross your DEAD line there is no way back. And it’s very important to accept this, give it a certain importance and realise you’re not here forever. If you’ll always keep postponing reading the book on “how to become the greatest speaker in the world” and go partying instead, don’t be surprised you won’t get any better in speaking - and now the role of feedback starts to play. Once you realise the fact that sugarcoating and bending the reality will only harm you in this way, there is going to happen a slight shift in your understanding. You will start to seem all these failures, adversities and low times as blessings, as mentors, as the feedback that will give you the gift of information. What kind of information? “NOT THIS WAY”. Looking for a treasure in a forest and taking the route that will lead to haunted house (let’s suppose the treasure is not hidden inside ok), will not be the way. So you need to change direction. You see no other way? Create one - and if you really want it, you will create it even if it had to be barefoot by your hands only. With sitting with yourself in silence, writing your wishes down and believing, that one day you’ll have everything IF you are willing to create one path for yourself if circumstances require that, you can’t lose.

Everything suddenly becomes feedback. The back pain, the migraine, the graduation, the great relationships. If you’re broke, struggle to afford new clothes, look at your life, look at your actions and the mindset you walk with in the world. The fourth place in the competition you really thought you’ll win is simply a feedback to work maybe smarter instead of harder. Once you adopt the mindset that no feedback is negative (because how can be something negative when it literally gives you an advice) then you’re halfway there. It takes many days and many moments of being aware, at first you need to force yourself in it, but remember it’s just a habit too. Everything that you do repeatedly is just a habit - complaining is just a habit, eating desert after every meal is just a habit, screaming when triggered - just a habit (that need a psycholog on top of that).

Life is a game. Play it like you know the rules. And if it’s game over because of that damn third section of a game just where is the hidden abbys that you always forget about.. well… If you really want to win, you will take it as a feedback to “be more aware” and you’ll try so long until the game won’t celebrate you with words CONGRATULATIONS! YOU MADE IT!

*It’s important to mention that laziness can be sometimes more productive than hardworking or that laziness tells us that what we’re doing isn’t right for us, but for this topic I recommend to read the first article called “WHY”.