BEGINNINGS

There are two groups of people:

1) Those who love beginnings, new chapters of their life

2) Those who become deeply anxious when it comes to any change - and with this, upcoming uncertainty.

This text is for the second group. Therefore also for me. I’ll be talking on resistance to begginings, acceptance to “being seen while failing” and how to get rid of mind blocks that are stealing the life. I’ll show it on one of my personal beginnings.

My type of beginning was starting to dance in my 20’s.

There are some of us who are too resistant to “be a beginner” in anything. We don’t like to be seen how we are trying, but, we rather keep playing it safe at cost of the true experience of life.

I was just the same. My ego was too loud to be silenced by my soul that always knew, what I wanted. I got shaped by a society that was very competitive and judgemental. I felt like everything I was doing had to be already great from the start because I couldn’t bear the feeling of being seen, being on eyes of someone and give them the opportunity to judge me and have a bad (”bad”) image of me. So I don’t have to explain twice that the feeling of being on eyes + FAILING was completely unbearable for me. Therefore I leaned intensively to more ordinary activities, like school or something. But still - there was this desire that I just couldn’t get rid of, even though I really tried to apply so many excuses. And my excuses were great! So creative! Yet I still found myself watching dance battles, random dance videos, choreographies and admired each one of those dancers. Then I started to imagine myself dancing - I mean like a professional, precise moves and everything - it was a performance I was sad that only I was able to see 😃…First it was very weird experience, but I just couldn’t help myself - even tho I still served so many reasons why dancing is just not for me. I thought it’s already too late, any dancer I was speaking to have already danced “at least 5 or 6 years” and now I would be here, worse than kids? Nonono. Impossible. Stupid. DECLINED.

Still one day this voice in my head was so loud and so I agreed with myself (very much passive agressively “agreed” because there was still ego in the driving seat) that I will just book a dance class.

And how it went? I was glad that I took the action but the feeling of shame and being new was daunting. The teacher was great, the people were exactly how I saw them in the dance battles, joyful, laughing, encouraging. But was it helpful when I blocked all this good energy with my doubts, judgement and overthinking?

And so I again came to the root cause. Me. Then I realised I could say that I grew up in this judgemental environment, this and that….but the fact that I would let it shape my way of thinking was on me. So I realised that any of the beginnings we want to start, we need to FIRST begin with ourselves. Because there is no chance you can start something new as your old self. And what this means? A LOT of inner work. Especially for those people that are judging others and therefore are judgemental themselves. And if you feel attacked right now, good. Finish this text you already started reading. I was exacltly like this. Attacked and resistant. And if you’re triggered, know that it is your opportunity to adjust some of your approaches to life and consequently make it greater.

Would you rather stay in the same line or experience more of life? Let’s stop acting like playing it safe will give us something. This might not be for everyone, but you have been warned - these are “WORDS FOR PEOPLE WHO GET IT”. Playing it safe and not being exposed to new experience will give you the sense of safety, but be aware that nothing is really granted. Nor safety. If you rationalise everything by putting “safety” on a table (meaning also emotional safety - like not being vulnerable), you’re also being delusional. You can feel safe, but that doesn’t change the reality where such a thing as “safety” is never granted 100 %. If we just realised that the only thing that is granted is change, we could probably be less resistant to this phenomen. Plus, with being more welcoming to change - you could sense the true essence, flow of life - because that’s what change is - the way, the true essence of life. And when something changes, well, we can’t avoid some kind of beginning. Beginnings are usually hard, but passing by another 20 years of your precious life and realising, you are on the same place as you were is harder pill to swallow. Realise that this life is a true gift and what we do with our gifts? We better use it to our best advantage. There is chance 1 in 400 trillion that you are born. And you are here, scared of change? scared of others’ opinions? It is very natural and normal to experience these feelings, don’t get me wrong! What is not normal, or at least shouldn’t be, that these feelings will diminish your confidence or erase your hunger for life. The fact that you are here is an incredible miracle. So with all my respect to you, start acting like it. Book that class, send that text message, start the company, say “hi” first, take risks, make changes, get out of your head, impress yourself so that life can impress you back.

All my love to you ❤️ Meda