DESERVE

What do you want?

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And do you think believe, that you deserve that?

You might have one thing that you wanted to do for a long time. This thing keeps calling you for so long that you could have been just a child when it first appeared. And until now you get so excited when you just put a great music in your ears, lay down on your bed, close your eyes and dream about it. You might feel all the little details in this imagination, that’s how much your authentic self wants it. Yet once this dreaming session stops, you aren’t thinking about it anymore. Your conscious mind wouldn’t let you think about it. It feels maybe too great for it to be real in your life. Why? Our conscious mind is shaped by the external world around you. Our conscious mind is very selective in what to believe or not. And since it’s making its’ own remix of experiences & information from early childhood, surroundings that we currently find ourselves in, it is inevitable we are thinking just as people we hang out the most with. We usually don’t think about stuff such as “how to start flying as individuals”, because even tho it would be absolutely spectacular, in our minds it’s such an unattainable type of goal that dealing with it would only distract us from our daily tasks “that are the only and most important” such as going to work, getting through all the necessary small talks that always show you how doing plank isn’t the only activity where one minute feels like an hour.

“Well but isn’t it enough? This is life. No? That’s it, right? At least what I heard…but I don’t know truly…It’s my first time living…”

No. It’s nothing but what your closest people around you believe, or believed when you were a child. Here’s the thing - everyone is soaking up the beliefs of previous generation - of our parents, teachers, doctors, acquaintances. And it’s all very natural, but as natural it is, so it is necessary to do the work and recognize this fact. Consequently, belief system of our parents is shaped by our grandparents and the time they lived in. It was time of uncertainty and fear, so don’t get them wrong for shaping you the way they did. They just didn’t realise this fact. But you can. They did all they could for you to be safe, because it was their value #1 (usually). If there was a better way how to do it, they would definetly choose to go that way. However, this fact means that great chunk of people have probably very humble and small minded belief system. As children we are so attentive. We listen to conversations of others, how they talk with loved ones, how they talk about strangers, about themselves. These people are our role models - otherwise we wouldn’t survive.

Now keep in mind that the only bad type of life is the one others choose for you. If you’re truly happy with your life now, we’re happy for you.

However, If you realise you’re somewhere or doing something just to live up to expectations of someone else, you’re living for someone else. And even tho you already know all of this about your life, and you also know damn well the reality in which you would be so much happier, there’s something stopping you. It’s your belief system. And remember that the way you end up in your work, in your relationships, in basic random daily situations (asking for more coffee, asking whether you can get different colour of that dress, or saying that the meal wasn’t spectacular as they said it would be) always comes down to the belief systems you have carried from your childhood. Your life is direct reflection of you and of what you believe you deserve.

Here comes the hard part - you need to be extremely honest in what you believe, what others made you believe, about your closest people, about the way you grew up, about all the fears that has been embeded in you. If you were silenced or stopped from doing something you wanted to do very naturally, pay close attention to it. This could have been your intuition saying ”hey if you follow this tendency you’ll live your purpose but this is the only way how I can remind you about this fact” and in the meantime you were listening to your family to go to college, become a lawyer, doctor, something stable. But how could you not listen to your family, right? They want the best for you and you see they live fair lifes…And the voice? That intuition or whatever? No one knows what it is…In addition! No one from my circle has done anything similar to what I dream to do, it’s dumb and I am thinking too high.

Who do I think I am? A God?”

In fact, you are. There is a piece of God/Universe/Higher power in each one of us. We are here, but before, we were a non-living matter. From nothing there was created life. We got alive from something that didn’t have life in it before. We are building cities and are sending rockets to the space and you are here thinking you should listen to people who isn’t in the situation where you want to be. It’s time to wake up. And If you’re reading until now, you know damn well it is. No one has spare life to use. Even cats don’t have more lives to live. You need to safe your belief system in order to safe yourself. Does it sound dramatic to you? To those who really want to seize the life absolutely know that it’s not. Shut your ego and let yourself be really yourself. And think of yourself what you want. There’s no one to please. People will be never pleased and if they are they’re quick to forget. Let yourself forget first and listen to yourself before you make any decision. Any decision based on YOUR belief system, on what YOU believe you deserve, on what YOU know you can make. To get to this point you need a lot of alone time. There’s no magic pill, only magic is the time capsule where you’re only with yourself. If you think you can do this “meanwhile” hanging out with others, you don’t want it enough. The goal is to have no other “influences” than you, yourself and your majesty. First thing is to feel the desire or almost “the need” to know what you’re here for. Then you need to be ready for an extreme rollercoaster of emotions and confusion that lead to a place that we’re talking about - the place of real you, your own city where you set the rules and where you are brave enough to ask for things others wouldn’t even dare. Because they stayed with the belief of generation before us that just thinks differently.

Remember what you want wants you and it already exists, otherwise you wouldn’t be aware of it. When your mom was making your favourite meal, you knew it without seeing it. You recognized it by the smell. Here, the “smell” is the wanting.

Take care, M.

CHANGE

Because it is the only thing that is inevitable and guaranteed. Guaranteed like nothing else in this world.

Because we shouldn’t avoid it - on the contrary - let’s welcome it with excitement and hope. Hope for better days, for better us.

How you were yesterday will never repeat again. How you will be tomorrow will show up only those 24 hours. There is never a same moment twice. There is never the identical person same two days in a row even tho, his birth certificate nubmer is still the same. Change is the only constant in our lives, yet we are so avoidant to it. Why?

As a very self conscious child with hyper-focus on others’ subtle changes in their face expressions that would signal negative emotions, I tended to avoid all conversations about myself and my worth, therefore also about the fact if I changed - because I believed that the sentence “You changed” was never a compliment. This sentence always felt like an obligation to start my Powerpoint Presentation on the topic “10 reasons why I changed”. It felt like moment that required explanation. It was always about the perception of others - what they think about me. So I thought. In the actual fact it was “What I think they think about me”. With time, observing myself, my loved ones, acquaintances, I realised that If it was me, who is telling others “You changed” - only thing i got from this kind of thinking was

• doubts, because you automatically start to compare yourself to others if you think about them in a way that isn’t loving,

• you loose focus from yourself, because you are being distracted by other person that has usually nothing to do with your own life, and at the end of all this?

• You just wasted time.

And then I realised. All these people with comments on you “Oh you changed.”, “I thought you were going to be this and that” they are really just robbing themselves. They needed to take their time to analyse you. Giving YOU their attention. Instead they could put this “investigation” somewhere on more productive place. Now don’t confuse this type of thought process with honest wishing the best for someone. Celebrating others - that’s something everyone should do with knowing the same will come back to him.

Let’s develop the “need to explain” part, that is for most really daunting.

The art of hearing out someone saying how you changed, looking them in the eyes, smiling and just moving on, minding your own business with no thought residue of their opinion, is a skill that can be acquired. Who will teach us? Let’s look at someone that has never said a word. Still, after a time, everyone suddenly understood what’s going on and she (it’s her I’m convinced) is one of the most respected things on this planet.

Nature. Constant changes, no explanations. There is something beautiful about doing your own thing and not explaining yourself. The reason we sometimes avoid it is lack of faith. Because change means unknown, uncertainty, new field. We hate not knowing. Those who lack faith will never get to the point of dealing or rather “easing in” into the uncertainty. But as elevated value faith is, such elevated results can be expected. If you believe enough.

So do your own thing and take some risks. You’re here for a very short period of time even tho it might not feel like it right now. Know right the rules. Those who understand that change has to be embraced, not dimmed will have the world on the silver plate. Those who don’t are making the plates for you. It might sound harsh but that’s the world. Still, give everyone chance to understand this. Stay open, everyone deserves chance to change. And if you notice someone changing, show support, they might need it. And to those who won’t change, the only presentation you might deliver now is “Why I change and why you should not care”- and make it in Keynote so that they experience at least small tiny change.

Don’t lose focus on others, they are already the main character in their lives, it’s time for you.

Remember, change is the only thing promised.

With love, M.❤️

BEGINNINGS

There are two groups of people:

1) Those who love beginnings, new chapters of their life

2) Those who become deeply anxious when it comes to any change - and with this, upcoming uncertainty.

This text is for the second group. Therefore also for me. I’ll be talking on resistance to begginings, acceptance to “being seen while failing” and how to get rid of mind blocks that are stealing the life. I’ll show it on one of my personal beginnings.

My type of beginning was starting to dance in my 20’s.

There are some of us who are too resistant to “be a beginner” in anything. We don’t like to be seen how we are trying, but, we rather keep playing it safe at cost of the true experience of life.

I was just the same. My ego was too loud to be silenced by my soul that always knew, what I wanted. I got shaped by a society that was very competitive and judgemental. I felt like everything I was doing had to be already great from the start because I couldn’t bear the feeling of being seen, being on eyes of someone and give them the opportunity to judge me and have a bad (”bad”) image of me. So I don’t have to explain twice that the feeling of being on eyes + FAILING was completely unbearable for me. Therefore I leaned intensively to more ordinary activities, like school or something. But still - there was this desire that I just couldn’t get rid of, even though I really tried to apply so many excuses. And my excuses were great! So creative! Yet I still found myself watching dance battles, random dance videos, choreographies and admired each one of those dancers. Then I started to imagine myself dancing - I mean like a professional, precise moves and everything - it was a performance I was sad that only I was able to see 😃…First it was very weird experience, but I just couldn’t help myself - even tho I still served so many reasons why dancing is just not for me. I thought it’s already too late, any dancer I was speaking to have already danced “at least 5 or 6 years” and now I would be here, worse than kids? Nonono. Impossible. Stupid. DECLINED.

Still one day this voice in my head was so loud and so I agreed with myself (very much passive agressively “agreed” because there was still ego in the driving seat) that I will just book a dance class.

And how it went? I was glad that I took the action but the feeling of shame and being new was daunting. The teacher was great, the people were exactly how I saw them in the dance battles, joyful, laughing, encouraging. But was it helpful when I blocked all this good energy with my doubts, judgement and overthinking?

And so I again came to the root cause. Me. Then I realised I could say that I grew up in this judgemental environment, this and that….but the fact that I would let it shape my way of thinking was on me. So I realised that any of the beginnings we want to start, we need to FIRST begin with ourselves. Because there is no chance you can start something new as your old self. And what this means? A LOT of inner work. Especially for those people that are judging others and therefore are judgemental themselves. And if you feel attacked right now, good. Finish this text you already started reading. I was exacltly like this. Attacked and resistant. And if you’re triggered, know that it is your opportunity to adjust some of your approaches to life and consequently make it greater.

Would you rather stay in the same line or experience more of life? Let’s stop acting like playing it safe will give us something. This might not be for everyone, but you have been warned - these are “WORDS FOR PEOPLE WHO GET IT”. Playing it safe and not being exposed to new experience will give you the sense of safety, but be aware that nothing is really granted. Nor safety. If you rationalise everything by putting “safety” on a table (meaning also emotional safety - like not being vulnerable), you’re also being delusional. You can feel safe, but that doesn’t change the reality where such a thing as “safety” is never granted 100 %. If we just realised that the only thing that is granted is change, we could probably be less resistant to this phenomen. Plus, with being more welcoming to change - you could sense the true essence, flow of life - because that’s what change is - the way, the true essence of life. And when something changes, well, we can’t avoid some kind of beginning. Beginnings are usually hard, but passing by another 20 years of your precious life and realising, you are on the same place as you were is harder pill to swallow. Realise that this life is a true gift and what we do with our gifts? We better use it to our best advantage. There is chance 1 in 400 trillion that you are born. And you are here, scared of change? scared of others’ opinions? It is very natural and normal to experience these feelings, don’t get me wrong! What is not normal, or at least shouldn’t be, that these feelings will diminish your confidence or erase your hunger for life. The fact that you are here is an incredible miracle. So with all my respect to you, start acting like it. Book that class, send that text message, start the company, say “hi” first, take risks, make changes, get out of your head, impress yourself so that life can impress you back.

All my love to you ❤️ Meda