DESERVE

What do you want?

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And do you think believe, that you deserve that?

You might have one thing that you wanted to do for a long time. This thing keeps calling you for so long that you could have been just a child when it first appeared. And until now you get so excited when you just put a great music in your ears, lay down on your bed, close your eyes and dream about it. You might feel all the little details in this imagination, that’s how much your authentic self wants it. Yet once this dreaming session stops, you aren’t thinking about it anymore. Your conscious mind wouldn’t let you think about it. It feels maybe too great for it to be real in your life. Why? Our conscious mind is shaped by the external world around you. Our conscious mind is very selective in what to believe or not. And since it’s making its’ own remix of experiences & information from early childhood, surroundings that we currently find ourselves in, it is inevitable we are thinking just as people we hang out the most with. We usually don’t think about stuff such as “how to start flying as individuals”, because even tho it would be absolutely spectacular, in our minds it’s such an unattainable type of goal that dealing with it would only distract us from our daily tasks “that are the only and most important” such as going to work, getting through all the necessary small talks that always show you how doing plank isn’t the only activity where one minute feels like an hour.

“Well but isn’t it enough? This is life. No? That’s it, right? At least what I heard…but I don’t know truly…It’s my first time living…”

No. It’s nothing but what your closest people around you believe, or believed when you were a child. Here’s the thing - everyone is soaking up the beliefs of previous generation - of our parents, teachers, doctors, acquaintances. And it’s all very natural, but as natural it is, so it is necessary to do the work and recognize this fact. Consequently, belief system of our parents is shaped by our grandparents and the time they lived in. It was time of uncertainty and fear, so don’t get them wrong for shaping you the way they did. They just didn’t realise this fact. But you can. They did all they could for you to be safe, because it was their value #1 (usually). If there was a better way how to do it, they would definetly choose to go that way. However, this fact means that great chunk of people have probably very humble and small minded belief system. As children we are so attentive. We listen to conversations of others, how they talk with loved ones, how they talk about strangers, about themselves. These people are our role models - otherwise we wouldn’t survive.

Now keep in mind that the only bad type of life is the one others choose for you. If you’re truly happy with your life now, we’re happy for you.

However, If you realise you’re somewhere or doing something just to live up to expectations of someone else, you’re living for someone else. And even tho you already know all of this about your life, and you also know damn well the reality in which you would be so much happier, there’s something stopping you. It’s your belief system. And remember that the way you end up in your work, in your relationships, in basic random daily situations (asking for more coffee, asking whether you can get different colour of that dress, or saying that the meal wasn’t spectacular as they said it would be) always comes down to the belief systems you have carried from your childhood. Your life is direct reflection of you and of what you believe you deserve.

Here comes the hard part - you need to be extremely honest in what you believe, what others made you believe, about your closest people, about the way you grew up, about all the fears that has been embeded in you. If you were silenced or stopped from doing something you wanted to do very naturally, pay close attention to it. This could have been your intuition saying ”hey if you follow this tendency you’ll live your purpose but this is the only way how I can remind you about this fact” and in the meantime you were listening to your family to go to college, become a lawyer, doctor, something stable. But how could you not listen to your family, right? They want the best for you and you see they live fair lifes…And the voice? That intuition or whatever? No one knows what it is…In addition! No one from my circle has done anything similar to what I dream to do, it’s dumb and I am thinking too high.

Who do I think I am? A God?”

In fact, you are. There is a piece of God/Universe/Higher power in each one of us. We are here, but before, we were a non-living matter. From nothing there was created life. We got alive from something that didn’t have life in it before. We are building cities and are sending rockets to the space and you are here thinking you should listen to people who isn’t in the situation where you want to be. It’s time to wake up. And If you’re reading until now, you know damn well it is. No one has spare life to use. Even cats don’t have more lives to live. You need to safe your belief system in order to safe yourself. Does it sound dramatic to you? To those who really want to seize the life absolutely know that it’s not. Shut your ego and let yourself be really yourself. And think of yourself what you want. There’s no one to please. People will be never pleased and if they are they’re quick to forget. Let yourself forget first and listen to yourself before you make any decision. Any decision based on YOUR belief system, on what YOU believe you deserve, on what YOU know you can make. To get to this point you need a lot of alone time. There’s no magic pill, only magic is the time capsule where you’re only with yourself. If you think you can do this “meanwhile” hanging out with others, you don’t want it enough. The goal is to have no other “influences” than you, yourself and your majesty. First thing is to feel the desire or almost “the need” to know what you’re here for. Then you need to be ready for an extreme rollercoaster of emotions and confusion that lead to a place that we’re talking about - the place of real you, your own city where you set the rules and where you are brave enough to ask for things others wouldn’t even dare. Because they stayed with the belief of generation before us that just thinks differently.

Remember what you want wants you and it already exists, otherwise you wouldn’t be aware of it. When your mom was making your favourite meal, you knew it without seeing it. You recognized it by the smell. Here, the “smell” is the wanting.

Take care, M.

WHY

because I was done.

with not beginning the one year old project that was calling me everyday.

with not having patience because I was scared of failure and didn’t see results immediately.

with questioning myself daily on how to love what I was told to do.

with daily commands from people with smaller mediocre minds (if you get it you get it).

with putting myself down through self-sabotage, million doubts and almost accepting this was the way I was.

with the need to be perfect.

with watching other people and forgetting about myself.

with pleasing people that weren’t worth of what I gave them.

with treating myself so poorly my body and brain developed self-harming habits as a way to make me realize I was on really bad place.

with talking to people that were thinking so ordinarily. that were so serious. so important. so ready to let down every excitement expressed.

with not waking up and be excited about my day.

with having to put on many masks so that others would accept me.

with being exhausted from hyper-focusing on others’ behaviour so that I would analyse whether my mask works or not.

with feeling like a butterfly but in a cocoon made of my self-conciousness and fear. And I wasn’t able to break it.

with mediocrity.

with the sentence “This is just the way I am…”

with being overly sensitive to the point I was crying almost daily in my job.

with not having conversations about emotions, inspiration, self-improvement.

with listening to hypocritical conversations, making fun of others, dealing with children in the body of an adult.

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Once I realised my “why” has more than 15 answers, I knew there was no way of going back. I am convinced there is somewhere the space where people are encouraging each other, are kind, uplifting, inspiring, getting inspired, celebrating others and that these people realise - hating, laughing at others and gossiping is the most expensive waste of one’s time. Why am I convinced? You’re just reading words in this space. The space that will flourish with encouragement and belief in you, in me, in us.

& Why do I need to share it - I’m doing this for another “me” who may be currently in place that doesn’t feel right anymore, and needs a little support to get out of there or just find some strength. For another “me” who loves conversations about universe yet gets bitter conversation about how they are fed up with this weather, with this person, this meal, this colour of his shirt, this salary, this political system, this Monday, this hairdresser, this coffee…this…that…them…and. then. all. again. But mainly I am doing this to create a bubble of inspiration, of encouragement and whenever you feel like losing it (everyone does, every single one of us and it’s okay) - you may find encouraging words in this space that will remind you of your real power.

Excercise:

I encourage you to stop your whole life for 15 minutes and ask yourself - Why? Apply it on anything that might not be clear for you in your current life - your career, a certain friendship, accounts that you’re following, being in a relationship that you are in right now, or why aren’t you in relationship - you get the idea.

Do you like finances? Remember that minutes dedicated to reflecting aren't spent - they are invested. And how is that formula?…The more you invest, the more you’ll get in future? - but still, keep the balance ;)

You have more than 15 minutes? I mean - you want to invest more? Okay, read closely - there is this method of 5 WHYs - this is originally developed by one Japanese engineer and first was applied in Toyota Motor Corporation as to determine the root-cause of a defect or any problem in vehicle. However, we tried this method with my friend when we were discussing emotions that were harder to explain. And it’s way deeper than you might think it is…after the 4th “why” we were already discussing our childhood, the environment which we grew up in, that shaped us, and there was still one more “why”... Give it a go - be ready though, to get the quality answer, you need to provide the quality focus and effort. Don’t neglect on yourself in this, it is worth more than all the “get your life together workshops”. All you need is YOURSELF and some time.

Write out your answers and keep them - oh what an opportunity for you to ask - Why?

My texts are on how to get closer to the version of yourself, that will answer with authenticity and not with fear. That will answer from the place of calmness and not with anxiety of what will be. That will answer with soul and not with ego. After some time (and work) you will get to compare these answers. And you might be pleasantly surprised.

That’s everything I have to tell you today.

Remember, for any questions or requests, you can send me a message from any of the platforms you see below this text.

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With love, Meda.