FAMILIARTIY

You feel it on places where you know you’ll find the cup for your tea, your old books, your old notes, photos. It is the feeling of total safety and comfort. It doesn’t have to be a physical space though. It is the dialect you hear. Your native language when you are in the middle of different country. It reminds you of your childhood when there was so many things unknown to you and your world was so small and everything had its place. Even if you experienced danger or abuse as a child, you feel weirdly comfortable with it, because it reminds you of your childhood and quite strangely your brain craves it. Brain craves anything that would strip it of unnecessary analyzing caused by uncertainty - simply stuff you haven’t experienced yet. It’s the pure nature of brain and our instincts. Brain seeks comfort, safety, faces we know, our parents. You remember how great, calm, you feel when you come to your city where you were born or if you don’t have good memories from the city you were born, think of a place from your childhood that you felt so good, so welcomed, maybe it was your friend’s house, maybe it was at your grandma’s, maybe it was a specific place of a vacation you remember so clearly; maybe it isn’t a place but a certain language - when you hear it, you think of the times when you were with less responsabilities, it gives you the sense of nostalgia. The feeling of „finally I can let go now“.

It’s good to be reminded of these feelings, places, people, sounds. But, paradoxically, it starts to be dangerous (for your success) if you indulge in this feeling for too long and you get attached to certain people, places or feelings. Being attached emotionally to anything so much it makes very hard to leave or it makes you even stay forever, that is a killer of your potential. This familiarity, no matter how great, calming, serene, safe it feels could be damaging. We don’t choose where we are born but we can choose where we spend our last days. I wish for everyone let it not be the same place that you were born in, if you feel that your potential is not realised there. It hurts to leave, to not hug your loved ones for a long time, to feel alone lot of times. But doesn’t it hurt to know you could go somewhere, try something new, try the possibilities of life and not actually doing it? The question of what it would be like are in your head for a reason. When you grow up in a certain place, there are certain faces with certain experiences, and based on these experiences they advice you on your life. And you have to listen…otherwise you wouldn’t “survive”. Then you have certain “name”, you might be known for something (like being the best in language classes or the worst in math or a dancer or painter, writer, whatever) and no matter how much you wanna fight against these „labels“, by constant repeating, your subconscious mind grabs something. And believe it or not, this might greatly influence the whole perception of yourself. Perception that others gave you. And if you stay in this space, you might really become it. And once you become others’ idea, you’re living for someone else. Also you can feel certain expectations projected on you and if you are a person who is measuring his worth on the things you produce, your marks, your diplomas, you are in a trap.

But realise, this is only one little bubble you experience in this whole world. Can you imagine how many different realities are out there? Can you imagine what advices, what feedback others would give you in different parts of the world? What kind of approach they have somewhere else that you could find inspiring? And can you imagine a new circle of people that have no expectations of you? In situations like this, there is another version that will add on to the “complete you”. That will show you your more and more authentic self, just like a new child born in this world, you are a new person in new environment. This is the magic of travelling. Unfamiliarity, uncenrtainty, taking risks, calculated, not calculated, living as rich life as you possibly can. Will the feeling of familiarity and safety win and will you be okay with the question „What if I actually did that“? You choose. But choose wisely.

At the end, the greatest risk of success is taking no risk.

Take care ❤️

DESERVE

What do you want?

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And do you think believe, that you deserve that?

You might have one thing that you wanted to do for a long time. This thing keeps calling you for so long that you could have been just a child when it first appeared. And until now you get so excited when you just put a great music in your ears, lay down on your bed, close your eyes and dream about it. You might feel all the little details in this imagination, that’s how much your authentic self wants it. Yet once this dreaming session stops, you aren’t thinking about it anymore. Your conscious mind wouldn’t let you think about it. It feels maybe too great for it to be real in your life. Why? Our conscious mind is shaped by the external world around you. Our conscious mind is very selective in what to believe or not. And since it’s making its’ own remix of experiences & information from early childhood, surroundings that we currently find ourselves in, it is inevitable we are thinking just as people we hang out the most with. We usually don’t think about stuff such as “how to start flying as individuals”, because even tho it would be absolutely spectacular, in our minds it’s such an unattainable type of goal that dealing with it would only distract us from our daily tasks “that are the only and most important” such as going to work, getting through all the necessary small talks that always show you how doing plank isn’t the only activity where one minute feels like an hour.

“Well but isn’t it enough? This is life. No? That’s it, right? At least what I heard…but I don’t know truly…It’s my first time living…”

No. It’s nothing but what your closest people around you believe, or believed when you were a child. Here’s the thing - everyone is soaking up the beliefs of previous generation - of our parents, teachers, doctors, acquaintances. And it’s all very natural, but as natural it is, so it is necessary to do the work and recognize this fact. Consequently, belief system of our parents is shaped by our grandparents and the time they lived in. It was time of uncertainty and fear, so don’t get them wrong for shaping you the way they did. They just didn’t realise this fact. But you can. They did all they could for you to be safe, because it was their value #1 (usually). If there was a better way how to do it, they would definetly choose to go that way. However, this fact means that great chunk of people have probably very humble and small minded belief system. As children we are so attentive. We listen to conversations of others, how they talk with loved ones, how they talk about strangers, about themselves. These people are our role models - otherwise we wouldn’t survive.

Now keep in mind that the only bad type of life is the one others choose for you. If you’re truly happy with your life now, we’re happy for you.

However, If you realise you’re somewhere or doing something just to live up to expectations of someone else, you’re living for someone else. And even tho you already know all of this about your life, and you also know damn well the reality in which you would be so much happier, there’s something stopping you. It’s your belief system. And remember that the way you end up in your work, in your relationships, in basic random daily situations (asking for more coffee, asking whether you can get different colour of that dress, or saying that the meal wasn’t spectacular as they said it would be) always comes down to the belief systems you have carried from your childhood. Your life is direct reflection of you and of what you believe you deserve.

Here comes the hard part - you need to be extremely honest in what you believe, what others made you believe, about your closest people, about the way you grew up, about all the fears that has been embeded in you. If you were silenced or stopped from doing something you wanted to do very naturally, pay close attention to it. This could have been your intuition saying ”hey if you follow this tendency you’ll live your purpose but this is the only way how I can remind you about this fact” and in the meantime you were listening to your family to go to college, become a lawyer, doctor, something stable. But how could you not listen to your family, right? They want the best for you and you see they live fair lifes…And the voice? That intuition or whatever? No one knows what it is…In addition! No one from my circle has done anything similar to what I dream to do, it’s dumb and I am thinking too high.

Who do I think I am? A God?”

In fact, you are. There is a piece of God/Universe/Higher power in each one of us. We are here, but before, we were a non-living matter. From nothing there was created life. We got alive from something that didn’t have life in it before. We are building cities and are sending rockets to the space and you are here thinking you should listen to people who isn’t in the situation where you want to be. It’s time to wake up. And If you’re reading until now, you know damn well it is. No one has spare life to use. Even cats don’t have more lives to live. You need to safe your belief system in order to safe yourself. Does it sound dramatic to you? To those who really want to seize the life absolutely know that it’s not. Shut your ego and let yourself be really yourself. And think of yourself what you want. There’s no one to please. People will be never pleased and if they are they’re quick to forget. Let yourself forget first and listen to yourself before you make any decision. Any decision based on YOUR belief system, on what YOU believe you deserve, on what YOU know you can make. To get to this point you need a lot of alone time. There’s no magic pill, only magic is the time capsule where you’re only with yourself. If you think you can do this “meanwhile” hanging out with others, you don’t want it enough. The goal is to have no other “influences” than you, yourself and your majesty. First thing is to feel the desire or almost “the need” to know what you’re here for. Then you need to be ready for an extreme rollercoaster of emotions and confusion that lead to a place that we’re talking about - the place of real you, your own city where you set the rules and where you are brave enough to ask for things others wouldn’t even dare. Because they stayed with the belief of generation before us that just thinks differently.

Remember what you want wants you and it already exists, otherwise you wouldn’t be aware of it. When your mom was making your favourite meal, you knew it without seeing it. You recognized it by the smell. Here, the “smell” is the wanting.

Take care, M.

CHANGE

Because it is the only thing that is inevitable and guaranteed. Guaranteed like nothing else in this world.

Because we shouldn’t avoid it - on the contrary - let’s welcome it with excitement and hope. Hope for better days, for better us.

How you were yesterday will never repeat again. How you will be tomorrow will show up only those 24 hours. There is never a same moment twice. There is never the identical person same two days in a row even tho, his birth certificate nubmer is still the same. Change is the only constant in our lives, yet we are so avoidant to it. Why?

As a very self conscious child with hyper-focus on others’ subtle changes in their face expressions that would signal negative emotions, I tended to avoid all conversations about myself and my worth, therefore also about the fact if I changed - because I believed that the sentence “You changed” was never a compliment. This sentence always felt like an obligation to start my Powerpoint Presentation on the topic “10 reasons why I changed”. It felt like moment that required explanation. It was always about the perception of others - what they think about me. So I thought. In the actual fact it was “What I think they think about me”. With time, observing myself, my loved ones, acquaintances, I realised that If it was me, who is telling others “You changed” - only thing i got from this kind of thinking was

• doubts, because you automatically start to compare yourself to others if you think about them in a way that isn’t loving,

• you loose focus from yourself, because you are being distracted by other person that has usually nothing to do with your own life, and at the end of all this?

• You just wasted time.

And then I realised. All these people with comments on you “Oh you changed.”, “I thought you were going to be this and that” they are really just robbing themselves. They needed to take their time to analyse you. Giving YOU their attention. Instead they could put this “investigation” somewhere on more productive place. Now don’t confuse this type of thought process with honest wishing the best for someone. Celebrating others - that’s something everyone should do with knowing the same will come back to him.

Let’s develop the “need to explain” part, that is for most really daunting.

The art of hearing out someone saying how you changed, looking them in the eyes, smiling and just moving on, minding your own business with no thought residue of their opinion, is a skill that can be acquired. Who will teach us? Let’s look at someone that has never said a word. Still, after a time, everyone suddenly understood what’s going on and she (it’s her I’m convinced) is one of the most respected things on this planet.

Nature. Constant changes, no explanations. There is something beautiful about doing your own thing and not explaining yourself. The reason we sometimes avoid it is lack of faith. Because change means unknown, uncertainty, new field. We hate not knowing. Those who lack faith will never get to the point of dealing or rather “easing in” into the uncertainty. But as elevated value faith is, such elevated results can be expected. If you believe enough.

So do your own thing and take some risks. You’re here for a very short period of time even tho it might not feel like it right now. Know right the rules. Those who understand that change has to be embraced, not dimmed will have the world on the silver plate. Those who don’t are making the plates for you. It might sound harsh but that’s the world. Still, give everyone chance to understand this. Stay open, everyone deserves chance to change. And if you notice someone changing, show support, they might need it. And to those who won’t change, the only presentation you might deliver now is “Why I change and why you should not care”- and make it in Keynote so that they experience at least small tiny change.

Don’t lose focus on others, they are already the main character in their lives, it’s time for you.

Remember, change is the only thing promised.

With love, M.❤️