WHAT IS AUTHENTICITY?
(reading time: 7 minutes)
In a quiet forest, a rusted sign nailed to a tree reads: “Be yourself; everyone else is taken!” This popular saying reminds us of a simple truth: authenticity means being your true self. But what does it really mean to “be yourself,” and why is it so important? Today, we’ll explore the idea of authenticity (being real, being your core self) in super simple terms.
By the end, you’ll know why being authentic matters, how it shows up in daily life, and what it feels like to live as your true you. I’m about to also an easy exercise as well so you can start being real right away. Let’s dive in!
What Does It Mean to Be Authentic?
Authenticity is a big word for a basic idea: being real.
NOTE: the word authentic comes from Greek word authentikos, which simply means “original, genuine or principal”. It’s further formed from authentes, meaning “one acting on one’s own authority”, from autos (self) and hentes (doer or being). Authentic then basically means “To act from your own authority. To be the origin of your own action.”
Think of it as acting in a way that reflects your true feelings and values, instead of wearing a mask or pretending. Imagine you have an inner light or a core self – the part of you that feels 100% you. When you’re authentic, that inner you shines through in what you say and do. When you’re not authentic, it’s like covering that light with a mask or costume to fit in or please others. As the beloved children’s author Dr. Seuss once said, “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” In other words, nobody else can be you better than you – and authenticity is about embracing that fact.
Psychologists and thinkers have explored this idea for ages. Over 50 years ago, the famous psychologist and my favourite thinker Carl Jung talked about how we often wear a “persona” (a fancy word for a social mask) to impress or blend in with people around us. But behind that mask is our true self. Jung believed that one of life’s greatest tasks is to take off that mask and become our genuine self.
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are,”
Jung said – meaning it’s a special journey to discover and be your true self. Another psychologist, Donald Winnicott, described something similar: he said we sometimes develop a “false self” (like a people-pleasing version of us) to cope with expectations, while our true self waits in the wings. If that sounds complicated, just remember the mask idea: being authentic is taking off the mask and being exactly who you are inside.
Modern researchers still agree with these old ideas. Brené Brown, a researcher and storyteller famous for studying courage and vulnerability, puts it in simple terms: authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. In other words, every day we have a choice to either pretend or to show up as ourselves. Choosing authenticity means you decide to be real, even if it feels a bit risky. As Brené Brown emphasizes, authenticity isn’t one magical moment – it’s a habit of honesty with ourselves and others. It’s “about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen,” she says, and it’s a choice we make over and over .
Think of authenticity like a tree with deep roots. Your true self is the root – it anchors you. The leaves and branches are what you show to the world (your words, actions, style, and so on). When the roots (your core values and feelings) match the leaves (your behavior and life), the tree is healthy and real. If you tape fake leaves on a tree, it might fool people for a while, but it won’t grow or thrive. Similarly, if we put on a fake act for others, we might get by, but we won’t feel truly alive or happy inside. Being authentic means what’s on the outside matches the inside – you are genuine, like a genuine gold coin compared to a counterfeit.
Why Being Your True Self Matters
Why make the effort to be authentic? Because living authentically can profoundly improve your life. When you are true to yourself, you tend to feel more alive, relaxed, and confident. You’re not constantly second-guessing what you said or stressing over what others think. You know that the “you” you show the world is the real deal – and that feels good! In fact, psychologists find that authenticity is linked to well-being and happiness. One study in the Journal of Counseling Psychology found that the more people acted like their true selves, the happier and more satisfied they were with their lives . It makes sense: carrying a mask around is heavy, but being yourself is liberating. And I can genuinely agree. There’s nothing like comparing the way I felt when hyper analyzing everyone’s face expression just to be sure (well..”sure” in my head) they are satisfied with my work, performance or the way I looked - versus the way I feel now, stripped of others’ opinions. I’m feeling way lighter and the memories of my past self feel like I was living in my own mental prison.
And so here are some powerful benefits of living authentically and being your core self:
🌱 Less Stress, More Peace: When you’re real, you don’t have to constantly analyze everything you say or do. You feel more at ease because you’re not hiding. This can reduce anxiety and that tired feeling of “ugh, I have to put on an act.” Instead, you experience a calm confidence from knowing you’re enough as you are.
🌱 Higher Self-Esteem: Being true to yourself builds self-respect. Every time you honor your true feelings or values, you send yourself the message, “I matter.” Over time, this boosts your confidence and self-worth. You trust yourself more because you know you’re honest with yourself.
🌱 Better Relationships: Authenticity acts like a magnet for genuine friendships and love. When you show the real you, you attract people who appreciate you for you. Your relationships can deepen because they’re built on truth. (Plus, it feels wonderful to be loved in your sweatpants and messy hair, not just when you’re dressed up and “perfect”!)
🌱 Greater Happiness and Fulfillment: Doing what truly fits you – whether it’s pursuing a career you’re passionate about, hobbies you actually enjoy, or expressing your real feelings – leads to a more fulfilling life. You wake up excited (or at least not dreading the day) because you know you’re living your life, not a life scripted by others. Many psychologists say that living in line with your true self is a key ingredient for genuine happiness, which makes a damn sense.
🌱 Resilience and Growth: When you accept and express your authentic self, you also acknowledge that you’re human – not an ideal, flawless robot. This mindset actually makes you stronger in the face of challenges. Why? Because you’re not pretending things are okay if they aren’t. You can face difficulties with honesty and seek help or make changes without shame. As the humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers noted, when people feel free to be themselves, they can grow and change more easily. The paradox is that by accepting ourselves as we are, we become more capable of evolving for the better.
In short, authenticity is not just some feel-good buzzword; it’s a foundation for a healthy, satisfying life. When you drop the act and stop trying to be “cool” or “perfect” and just be real, you give yourself the chance to thrive. You might be thinking, “Okay, sounds great. But how do I actually do that in my everyday life?” Great question! Let’s look at how authenticity shows up day-to-day.
Authenticity in Daily Life: Little Ways of Being Real
Living authentically doesn’t mean you have to suddenly become an open book about everything or rebel against all social norms. It happens in small, everyday moments through choices that align with your true self. Here are a few simple examples of what being authentic might look like in daily life:
💛 Saying What You Mean (Kindly): Imagine a friend invites you to a movie you’re not interested in. Instead of forcing a fake excuse or just going and feeling annoyed, you might gently say, “Actually, that movie isn’t really my thing. How about we try a different one or do something else?” Being authentic here means expressing your real preference (politely) instead of hiding it. You’re honest about what you like or don’t like. It might feel a little uncomfortable to diverge from others’ opinions at times, but it trains your brain to trust your own voice.
💛 Showing Your Feelings: If you’re having a tough day and someone asks how you are, being authentic might mean saying, “Honestly, I’m a bit down today,” instead of the automatic “I’m fine!” mask. You don’t have to spill every detail, but not pretending you’re okay when you’re not is a form of authenticity. You’re honoring your true emotional state. Often, this openness can also invite support or deeper connection. (Think of how much closer you feel to someone when they share something real about themselves rather than just small talk.)
💛 Following Your Own Values: Let’s say all your coworkers are gossiping about a new employee to fit in with each other, but that behavior clashes with your values of kindness. An authentic move might be to stay out of the gossip, or even kindly say something positive about the person to shift the conversation. Standing up for what you believe in – even in a small way – is living by your core self. It might feel a bit awkward in the moment, but you often feel proud of yourself afterward for being real and principled.
💛 Dropping the Act: We all wear different “hats” in life (worker, friend, parent, etc.), but authenticity means you bring yourself into those roles instead of acting how you think you “should.” For example, at work you might have a professional persona, but authenticity could mean you admit when you don’t know something or inject your own humor or style into your work, rather than acting like a stiff robot version of a “perfect employee.” Or if you’re a parent, it could mean acknowledging to your kids when you make a mistake, showing them the real you who is also learning, rather than pretending to be invincible. These honest moments of being human build trust and respect with others.
💛 Making Choices that Fit You: In daily life, authenticity is also about the bigger choices – the kind of job you take, the people you spend time with, the hobbies you pursue. When you’re being true to yourself, you pick what genuinely excites or fulfills you, not what should excite you. For instance, you might choose to stay in on a Friday night and paint because that’s what your soul needs, even if society (or social media) says “fun” is at a loud party. Or you might pursue a career in teaching art instead of finance, because even if one is more lucrative or “impressive,” the other is where your heart is. These choices, big and small, add up to an authentic life where you feel “this is right for me”.
Authenticity doesn’t mean never compromising or only doing what you want – life involves cooperation and sometimes doing things for others. It simply means that even when you compromise, you don’t compromise your core self. You find a balance between being true to you and being respectful and kind to others. And importantly, being authentic is not about being perfect or 100% consistent. It’s okay to sometimes catch yourself wearing a mask or trying to impress – we all do it. The key is noticing it and gently finding your way back to what’s true for you.
One way to think about it: when your actions match your heart, you’re being authentic. When they don’t, you feel that disconnect. Have you ever agreed to something and immediately felt “off” about it, like a pit in your stomach? That’s often a sign your true self is nudging you, saying “Hey, this isn’t me.” By paying attention to those feelings, you can start adjusting your choices to be more in line with the real you. Little by little, these authentic moments create a life that feels right.
What It Feels Like to Live Authentically
Living authentically feels like coming home to yourself. Picture the relief of kicking off tight shoes after a long day – ahh, you can wiggle your toes freely! That’s what being true to yourself is like emotionally: a sense of comfort and freedom. You’re no longer squeezing yourself into a shape that doesn’t fit. Instead, you fit you. People often describe living authentically as feeling “light” or “free” because there’s no heavy disguise to hold up. You might notice a weight off your shoulders when you decide to be real in a situation where you used to pretend.
Ready to Be Real? Try This Simple First Step
By now, you know that authenticity is about uncovering your true self and letting it shine. It’s a rewarding path, and you can start very small, right now. To help you begin aligning with your authentic self, here’s a simple and meaningful exercise:
1. Pause and Reflect: Take a few minutes today (right now, if you can) to sit quietly with a pen and paper or a note on your phone. Ask yourself: “When do I feel most like myself? What am I doing, and who am I with in those moments?” Jot down whatever comes to mind. Maybe you recall feeling truly you while gardening, playing music, hanging out with a certain friend, or even when you stood up for yourself in a meeting. There’s no wrong answer – it could be any moment big or small that gave you that content, real feeling.
2. Find One Small “Real” Action: Look at what you wrote and think of one small action you can take today to have more of that feeling. Make it super simple and doable. For example, if you felt truly yourself while painting but haven’t done it in ages, maybe your action is “set aside 15 minutes to sketch or paint tonight.” If you feel authentic around a certain friend who “gets you,” your action could be “give them a call this week and have a real catch-up chat.” If you felt great when you were honest in that meeting, maybe your action is “the next time I have an opinion, I will respectfully share it instead of staying silent.” Choose something that resonates with you and fits into your day.
3. Do It and Notice the Feeling: This is the most important part – follow through on your small action. Treat it like an experiment. After you do it, pause for a moment and notice how you feel. Do you feel a little spark of happiness, relief, or strength? Does something inside you say “yes, that’s me”? If so, that’s the feeling of your authentic self coming alive! Acknowledge yourself for taking this step, no matter how tiny. You just honored the real you in daily life, and that’s a big deal.
Finally, remember that authenticity is a practice, not a destination. You don’t arrive at a completely authentic life in one day – you build it, choice by choice. Even the smallest authentic action, like saying “no” to a plan that doesn’t feel right or wearing the quirky shirt you love, is a victory for your true self. Celebrate those wins! Over time, these little choices add up, and you’ll find that being authentic starts to come naturally, bringing more joy and meaning into your world.
You are the only you on the planet, and the world needs that unique person to show up. So take a breath, trust yourself, and let your true self shine. As you practice being real and true to yourself, life will begin to feel more like your life – and that is a wonderful feeling. Go ahead and give it a try today: unmask your authentic self, one small step at a time. You’ve got this!
Talk to you soon, until then
Take care 💛
